Yes, it’s that time again, where I’ve reactivated or downloaded a new dating app. I read an article about online dating saying that you’re doing it wrong unless you’re on multiple sites. Therefore, I’ve upped my game by downloading two more apps on my phone. Call me crazy for trusting some random person’s advice on the internet, but hey, I have dating apps, you should already know I’m (partially) desperate.
I’ve tried online dating in the past, my first actually being Tinder when I was in college. Since then, I’ve used Plenty of Fish, as well as tried Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble. I tried using a few others, but I’m too cheap to pay a monthly fee.
For your amusement, or perhaps caution, here are the 11 types of conversations I’ve had through my go-to dating app, Plenty of Fish:
Wow, that’s it? Not even going to ask how my day is or tell me you think I’m a person you’d like to get to know? There is literally nothing in this statement that tells me anything about you. What it does tell me is: “I’m too lazy to think of anything else to say”, “I’ve already put in the effort into another conversation”, “I’m boring as hell”. I hardly ever respond to these unless the guy is extremely attractive (yeah sounds snobby, but it’s online dating, you have the freedom to pick and choose what you want).
A Loss for Words
I can’t tell you how many messages I’ve gotten where it’s gone something like, “I don’t know what to say, but I think you’re cute and would you like to talk”. Clearly you know what to say, just take out that first part! I’ve had my moments where I’ve had the same intro “hey, I don’t know what the f*** I’m supposed to say, but here’s a dad joke, I hope you laugh. P.S. I like your dog, what type is it?” The difference with mine is that I’m actually leading into conversation. I get how awkward it is to start a conversation, but it’s also a big piece of how I judge the kind of person you are. Like how do I even reply to this? “Thanks” (??) and then what?…
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It’s admirable for those who actually want to know about me, but I cannot tell you how many terrible conversation starters I have created. “Yeah I hate one night stands too”, “I want the same things you do”, “I’m a genuine person giving this a genuine go”. At the same time, it just sounds like he is more desperate than me. Don’t tell me what you are, just be it! One time, I set my bio to “I’m impressed you read this far down” and I swear the messages came in like fleas: “Are you impressed?”, “Hey I can read”, “Give me a gold star for reading your profile”…. I have no one to blame but myself.
Sometimes I wish there were “read receipts” on these messages. I felt bad for not responding, and not to sound conceited in any way, but I get a lot of messages! I’ll respond to the ones I’m interested in, which means the ones I don’t respond to result in either this, or having a guy throw a fit. I know it kinda makes me look like a brat, but it’s online dating. We’re both already judging each other by looks first, sorry if I don’t like yours.
A True Gentleman
Clearly I dodged a bullet by not responding…. I understand why he was upset, but that’s not fair for him to judge me solely off of that. If he had responded with “hey I’d really like the chance to get to know you, please give me a chance to get to know you” maybe things could’ve been different. But don’t accuse me of not being interested in a “true gentleman” who “respects” me. Sorry, but calling me conceited or mocking me doesn’t exactly make me feel respected… And yes, I do know I spelled “conceited” wrong, I was too fired up to care. This is exactly why this site is called Plenty of Fish…. *flush* moving on.
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Yeah, I realized I used the same message (which resulted in same spelling for “conceited”), but it was the nicest way I could say I wasn’t interested, but thanks anyway. This guy just wanted a response, although his frustration is clear to me (I’ve had my fair share of no replies, too). I actually received the message above and the one before that (the butt-hurt) in the same DAY. What are the odds of two guys asking why I won’t give this (a.k.a them) an actual chance in the same day? Greater than someone actually asking me out to dinner, sadly.
A Sugar Daddy
Uhhhhhh, yeah you tell me how you would’ve responded to that. Either this guy was making a hilarious joke or a American Psycho offer… I’m okay with never knowing which.
The Grey Zone
You know they make sites for people like you right? Yeah I watch 50 Shades of Grey, doesn’t mean I want to live it! Next!
Spoke too soon… Really?! First I get a Dom request now a Submissive? I’m out.
This is the best part about this site. The odds are pretty decent for meeting someone I may be interested in! These guys are the ones I want to plan something with and that I give my number to. I only do this if I can see myself going out on a date with them in the first place. Like having things to talk about, clicking. There may be a lot of interesting guys on dating sites, but there will always be good guys that make me remember why I have it in the first place.
Related Reading: The Things He Said
Plenty of Fish: worth your time?
I’ll say this for any sort of online dating: it’s worth it to try. There are so many people out there and if you’re like me, you don’t meet new people everyday. Online dating is something that can help you do just that. And hey, at the very least, you’ll have some interesting stories to tell your girlfriends later!