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Elena

8 Ways to Relieve Stress

Posted in Lifestyle, Work by

Relieve Stress

You’re at that point again. That same one that always creeps up on you and hits like a ton of bricks. It leaves you close to tears out of frustration: you’ve approached the deadline for a paper, your boss asked you about something you forgot to do two days ago and now you’re scrambling to get it done and dog s*** on the carpet again. Life gets overwhelming and we’ve all hit those breaking points where we just want to give up and bury our heads in a hole.

Instead of that, consider these 8 ways to relieve stress:

 

1. Exercise

Yeah, we all complain about it, but frustration and anger are the best motivators to work out! When I get to the gym, I’m pumped because I’m there to move. When I’m on that bicycle, I think about all the insults I’ve ever gotten, even if they’re ones I’ve said to myself: “Why is there so much cellulite on your legs?”, “Why aren’t you wearing make up, it’s like you’ve stopped trying”, “If you weren’t so dramatic, maybe you’d find someone to actually be in a relationship with”, “It only happened twice”, “You never showed me you cared about me”. Yeah well f*** all you guys, because I’m cycling up this giant mountain on this stationary bike while flipping you all off. Use the frustration to your advantage, that’s all I’m saying.

 

Related Reading: 5 Things You Need To Start Doing, 6 Mantras to Live by in 2018, 5 Ways to Stay Focused

 

2. Break Something

I’m completely serious. The majority of the time you’re stressed, you’re frustrated. I had a professor tell me once to take all the glass bottles from my recycling and a bucket or bin and take it to a remote spot. From there, make sure the bin is empty and you throw those bottles as hard as you can into it. It’s an easy clean up and it’s gets your aggression out. Just be sure the bin is far enough away so that there’s no tiny shards of glass coming back at you.

 

3. Meditate

Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

This may should cliche, but there are a lot of ways to meditate: yoga, sitting in silence, praying, reading, walking etc. Take time to yourself in silence or with calming music and close your eyes. Imagine your happy place and take a few deep breaths to clear your mind.

 

4. Scream

Get it out of your system. Go somewhere desolate and yell all sorts of profanities: how much you hate your calculus professor because they humiliated you in front of a 200 person lecture, how unfair your job is because you’re paid less than coworkers even when you have more relevant experience, how upset you are at your partner because they gave you logical reasons to why you shouldn’t impulsively adopt that dog from the pound. Just get it all out.

 

5. Organize

Get out your planner and figure out what you’re doing the rest of the day, week and month. When you can see what you’re life looks like in front of you, it’s easier to manage. Write out everything you need to get done and fit those tasks into time slots. Check lists are the best because we have so much satisfaction crossing something off! One simple accomplishment is better than none.

 

6. Clean

Photo by Catt Liu on Unsplash

Cleaning is so refreshing. It feels so good when you’re done getting all the crap off the surface and having the room smell nice and look like it came out of an IKEA magazine. I find doing dishes is very therapeutic, since it requires no real thought, your mind can just wander. If you have a really greasy dish, scrub the crap out of it to release some of that frustration! The only thing you’re doing is making it cleaner, it’s a win-win.

 

7. Get Intimate

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sex is good for you. Get that dopamine flowing, whether it’s with someone else or alone… I’m not just talking about sex either. Even a touch from someone else can make a difference. This is why hugging, snuggling up under a blanket with someone on the couch or suffocating your cat while whispering “I love you” as they try to escape your grip is good for you! Having that closeness with someone else creates the sense that you aren’t alone.

 

Related Reading: 7 Reasons Being in a Relationship is the Best, 5 Things You Need to Stop Doing, Creating a Bullet Journal

 

8. Watch a Documentary

Preferably on Outer Space. Do you realize how big our universe is? HELLO! You are one tiny being in this entire world of billions of people and creatures and microbes. Your issues are smaller than that. Yes, they are still there and you need to do something about them, but don’t make them bigger than they actually are. You’re capable of anything you set your mind too, you just need a different perception on your issues to see just how small they are.

 

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and realize that there are ways to get past the frustration. What are the things that help you get back on track?

March 19, 2018
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7 Reasons Why Being in a Relationship is the Best

Posted in Lifestyle, Relationships by

Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash

A few weeks ago I had a post saying why being single is the worst. By popular request, I was encouraged to write about why being in a relationship is the best! For those of you who have your doubts about relationships or are hesitant of what they have in store for you, let me help put your mind at ease with 7 reasons why being in a relationship is the best. It’s also a list to help you understand why I missing being in a relationship as opposed to being single.

1. Be yourself

When you’re dating, you’re constantly seeing new people while on your best behavior. But in a relationship, you’ve been with this person for a while, so you can start to open up more and be yourself. You can now take your bra off and throw on a baggy hoodie with your favorite pajama pants and forget about putting on make-up! They already know you snort when you laugh hard and always get the lyrics wrong regardless of how many times you’ve heard the song. This is (arguably) the best part about a relationship because your partner loves you for who you are as a person and that’s beautiful enough.

2. Plus-One

You’ll always have friends that can be this as well, but now you always have a go-to for your plus-one for work events, weddings, or any other social events. The best part about having this person be your partner is that everyone is already expecting it! Now your friends won’t get butt-hurt if you choose one over the other, you have a default.

Related Reading: How to Handle Getting Hit on at a Bar

3. Feeling the love

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

One of the greatest perks of a relationship is the physical aspect, and you all know what I mean… Not only is sex fun, it’s good for you! All that dopamine in your brain is the ultimate high, but it’s even better when you’re sleeping with someone who appreciates you for more than your physical appearance. The entire mindset is altered, making the experience that much better. Not to sound like a love guru or preachy, but it is an experience where you’re selfless; you become a team in wanting to make each other feel good! It’s probably the best team bonding experience you can have.

4. Feeling appreciated

Dates are great, I will always be a fan of free food and movies, but being in a relationship is more than that. Once you’ve opened up and let someone in, they know your biggest dreams, fears and stresses. All those things become priorities to them too; they want to see you succeed, be happy and pick you up when you’re feeling down. I’ve bought flowers for guys before just because I wanted to, and they loved it! The little things can add up, even if it’s just a compliment on how you look that day or someone telling you they love you.

5. You always have someone to talk to

From my perspective, your partner should be one of your best friends. If there’s something on your mind, you have someone you can talk to about it and they’ll give you their honest opinion. They’re comforting or give you a reality check when you need one. But mostly, they’re there to listen. And that in itself is extremely important.

6. There’s someone to fill your time

Remember all that time you had to swipe left and right on those dating apps? Now you have time to spend with someone instead of doing that. Someone who will do whatever you want to; hike, go to dinner, a movie, a museum, or Netflix…and chill… You now have options to fill your time with more entertaining things with someone who values you and your time.

7. You learn

Photo by Kate on Unsplash

Something in you also changes. When you have someone you’re crazy about, and they’re crazy about you too, it bumps your self esteem, making you happier overall. When you’re happier, you also want the people around you to be happy, so you give more and it makes you feel good! Being in a relationship teaches you a lot about yourself: your interests, priorities, what makes you happy, mad, sad. But it also teaches you that about other people; and with that comes empathy which enforces honesty, trust and dedication.

 

There are so many things I miss about being in a relationship. I realize a lot of these things can also be fulfilled by friends, but it’s not the same. There’s that intimacy aspect to being in a relationship that is so special and makes you feel and think differently from others around you. I’m a fan of being in a relationship, but only when it’s with the right person. If you’re hesitant to enter into a relationship, you should think about all the benefits it has to offer before you dismiss the thought.

 

What are some of your favorite things about being in a relationship? Did I miss anything?

March 12, 2018
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When It’s Been a Long Week, and It’s Only Monday…

Posted in Lifestyle by

Monday

It’s really hard for me to get motivated sometimes. I start thinking about things I should do, like clean my bathroom, dust my room and write “thank you” cards from Christmas, but I don’t do them. I have a lot of doubts about myself and my decisions, even if I don’t show or say anything. This weekend got me on a pretty low level. Let me reiterate this first weekend in March for you and tell you how I was built up, torn down, but still standing.

Thursday

I recently joined a company that is essentially a Costco for travelling. If you know what I’m talking about, you already know what it is, and for those of you who don’t, I’m sorry but I can’t explain it here. It’s kind of like me explaining how I liked a movie, but you have to see it to know what I’m talking about. So I joined  a few weeks ago and had invited my friends to check it out. I took one friend who is incredibly smart in business. He owns his own business and has built it all pretty much by himself. He asked a lot of questions, and by the time we were heading back home, he had me thinking a lot about my life; especially my financial decisions. Yes, this group has potential to make residual income, but you have to work hard at it and I think it’s easier to explain to strangers than people who know me well. It really took its toll on me when NONE of my friends were as excited about it as I was.

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So I found myself freaking out, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I have been a temp employee at my 9-5 job for 7 months with an hourly rate that isn’t enough to pay my necessary bills each month. I work some weekends with high school kids for hours and make less money in two days than I make in one day at my weekly job. I’ll take babysitting, house-sitting and pet-sitting jobs for extra income. I’ve been looking at different jobs, but with all the debt I have, I don’t have a lot of flexibility to relocate. I have four credit cards I need to pay off on top of my other debt and my car is barely halfway through the lease period. It seems like I have more than I can financially handle. As the saying goes, “I’ve bit off more than I can chew”.

Related Reading: 7 Ways to Maximize Your Budget, The Two Step: A Bilateral Move

Friday

I decided to do some work for the blog during my lunch period at work (posting on social media (if Belle hadn’t already) and trying to figure out IFTTT (IF This Than That), an app that I was recommended but am still figuring out the ins and outs of). I was also trying to budget because I knew my payment dates were coming up soon, because February is really the worst month. First it’s too short, then it makes you realize how single and lonely you are. I’m not a fan of February.

After I got off work, Belle and I headed down to Highlands Ranch to judge a high school speech and debate tournament. We’re paid by round, and each round has 5-6 kids and lasts about an hour usually. I enjoy doing this, but it is exhausting and my hand cramps up after a couple of rounds from writing critiques, but the kids make it worth it.

Instead of driving all the way back home, we stayed with my parents, who live twenty minutes away from the school. It was 8:30 p.m. when we left and I had made $27.

 

Saturday

Belle and I got up at 6:00 a.m. to arrive at the high school at 7:30. From there, we stayed until about 2 p.m (which is a SHORT day, usually we are there to well after 8 p.m.). By the time we were done with that I had earned $54 in total (almost enough to cover my utility bill for the month).

Since we had an early day, I decided to message my ex that lives in Denver (let’s call him Peter). Okay, I know what you’re thinking- but we had barely dated, then were Friends with Benefits, then decided to hang out and grab a drink casually. It’s fine. As much as Belle would disagree… Anyways, Peter wanted to go to REI and get new hiking boots and wanted me to come with. I told him when I could be there, and then he told me he had plans in an hour to meet up with a friend of his that I didn’t like. And Peter knew I didn’t like him and I avoid seeing him because he’s an a**hole. So I texted back saying I’d changed my mind and would just go home.

The reason why Peter and I never dated was because he was so hot and cold. He’d want me to hang out with his friends, but tell me he didn’t want to when I invited him to hang out with mine. He’d spent the night at my house ONCE during the 2 years we’d been doing whatever it is we’re doing, and has given me one compliment to which I cried because it was so unexpected.

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The way he reacted to me backing out was incredibly frustrating. He told me that it was f***ed up I made him wait on me and that I was being dramatic- “typical Elena”. I couldn’t understand why he would still want to be friends with me after saying all these horrible things that I’d done to him. He had bailed on my birthday because he had “s*** going on” that I wouldn’t understand, he told me he liked having sex with me and he missed me, but not like that- as a friend hanging out, and claimed that I always thought people (meaning him) are screwing me over, when it’s probably me that’s to blame… So I told him it’d be better if we weren’t friends. He took that well by telling me to “stop being so dramatic and you may find someone who you can have a relationship with” and unfriending me from Facebook. Really regretting my decision on breaking ties with this guy…

Related Reading: My Toxic Relationship, The Things He Said, Dating 101: 7 Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore 

Sunday

I made plans to meet up with one of my closest friends. I expected it to have the same kind of conversation we usually have: how the guy she’d been off and on for for years was still treating her like s***, how we wished we could vacation and had loads of money to spend, etc. But this time was different. I told her about what had happened the day before with Peter. She then proceeded to tell me how Peter had reached out to her begging her to go on a date with him and he would talk to me about it to make sure it was okay… So not only had he EVER asked me if he could date one of my best friends, he was just going for it, meanwhile texting me to come over at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and calling me a “dramatic” person. “I’ll buy your Uber, just come over.” Sweet bro.

 

By the time Monday rolled around…

So here I was completely humiliated and disappointed in myself and my poor decisions. I was struggling financially and felt like I was back to square one. I had gone back to the same guy who treated me like garbage, and my friend had to awkwardly tell me how he had been pushy with her and that she had felt awkward and never replied. I felt like a complete failure. A part of me thought Peter was right, that maybe I was a s*** friend and that’s why so many of my “friends” had run away when I told them about an idea I was really excited about. I felt inconsiderate, not good enough, not successful and not pretty.

So I sat on my floor and cried.

Then I got a message from my friend with a motivational video saying how I was good enough. Peter had unfriended me on social media, so I wouldn’t be able to see what he was up to anymore, which was good for me. I went to a wedding shower and won a contest matching Disney songs to the movies (obviously with 100%). I went to dinner with my friend, who I hadn’t seen in years, and his fiance and had a really good time. My parents called me to see how I was doing and my sister had bought the K-Cups I liked for the Kureg for the morning. There were good things happening, I just needed to acknowledge the worst, react to it and get past it.

adam-jang-260876-unsplash

No matter how low you may feel in this life, there will always be more good than bad. Don’t let the turkeys get ya down, because you are beautiful and good enough, no matter what anybody says.

 

Related Reading: Cherish: A Story of Silver Linings, Share the Love, 6 Mantras to Live by in 2018

March 5, 2018
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Elena’s Bookshelf: recommendations

Posted in Books, Lifestyle by

When I finish a book, I immediately start on another. I drive an hour to and from work 5 days a week, and it helps me feel productive. Some books have been good and some I didn’t even finish. If you’re wondering what you should read next, here are some brief synopsis of the one’s I have read recently that I would recommend:

 

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. That means that if you click through and make a purchase, we will earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Photo credit to Goodreads. 

 

All the Light We Cannot See – Anthony Doerr

booksThis book received a lot of hype when it was first released back in 2014. It’s been on my list for years and I finally got around listening to the audio version a couple of months ago. This is historical fiction taking place during WWII from two different perspectives of a blind French girl and a Nazi German boy.

Werner Pfenning is an orphan who has experience with radios and how they operate. He is recruited by the Nazi’s to track down the resistance in France during the occupation. Marie-Laure is 12 years old when the Nazi’s occupy Paris and force her and her father out to the country-side to reside with her great uncle. Her father carries with him a precious stone worth a fortune the Nazi’s seek.

Werner and Marie-Laure’s stories come together with help from radios and the Nazi occupation. Be cautious when reading, this book is long, has different parts and chapters jump to different time periods. You will need to pay attention while reading, but overall I thought it was a  decent read.

Themes: Historical Fiction, Family, WWII, Adolescence

 

Related Reading: Reading List for 2018What Should I Read Next?

 

Turtles All the Way Down – John Green

John GreenYou will have read this or have this on your list if you’ve read any other John Green books, because his fan base is huge. This novel wasn’t my favorite of his, but still worth the read as it relates to the author on a personal level.

Aza is persuaded by her best friend, Daisy, to look into a missing person’s case, whose reward is $100,000. This missing person is the father of Aza’s long lost childhood friend, Davis. To solve the case, she must get close to him once again, for Daisy’s sake. But Aza finds herself discovering more than where the wealthy, irresponsible father has disappeared to as she discovers how to reveal her true self with the help of Davis.

It’s a teen love story, but Aza has a lot of depth to her character that create her to be intriguing until the end. If you haven’t read this yet, be sure to add it to your list. You can get the audible version here.

Themes: Adolescence, Illness, Mystery, Love, Family

 

Yes Please – Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler

I was recommended this book and decided that it would be a nice change of pace for me. I had been reading a lot of fiction and figured I needed the switch to something more realistic.

This book is about Amy Poehler’s life, including parts before and after her careers primarily on Saturday Night Live and Parks and Recreation. She delves into her struggles and passions and it is all very engaging! I loved this because it was inspirational and funny. If you read this I would highly recommend the audio version because she reads it and has guest speakers who read different parts like her parents and Seth Meyers.

 

 Themes: Non-Fiction, Inspirational, Self-Love

 

 

 

Bossypants – Tina Fey

Tina Fey

 

Tina’s book came out first, but I read it second. Her book is just as inspirational and funny as Amy’s!

Both of their stories are different and unique, but they have a lot of the same struggles they overcame. And yes, of course it’s funny and Tina Fey reads the audio! If you’re looking for some motivation or inspiration, read this.

 

Themes: Non-Fiction, Inspirational, Self-Love

 

 

 

 

 

Related Reading: Elena’s 5 Favorite Books, Belle’s 5 Favorite Books

 

Not a Sound –  Heather Gudenkauf

Heather Gudenkauf

I chose this book randomly from my app. I needed a new read and this sounded interesting so I gave it a go and I LOVED it!

Amelia Winn is a recovering alcoholic who has burned nearly all bridges with her family and friends. An accident years before caused her to go deaf and learn sign language. She lives in the middle of nowhere practically by the river where she kayaks, paddle-boards and hikes with her service dog, Stitch. One day while she’s out, she stumbles across a body of a friend. She decides to look into the case by herself and discovers more than she bargained for.

I highly recommend this book, it was engaging until the end! Ironically I did read the audio version

Themes: Murder Mystery, Deaf Culture, Love, Medical Controversy

 

 

Small Great Things  Jodi Picoult

Jodi Picoult

Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite authors, I will always lover her books. She focuses on a lot of sensitive topics like gay rights. This book in particular hones in on racism, which may be a bit extreme, but is based off a true story and worth the read.

Ruth Jefferson is a delivery nurse at a small hospital in Connecticut. She has lost her husband to the Iraq war and now lives alone with her only son. Ruth is the ideal nurse, having years of experience and not even one hiccup. That all changes when a couple gives strict instructions that all African American personnel may not be near their newborn son. Ruth is in a predicament when she is the only one on call in the nursery and the baby starts to cardiac distress and she must make a split decision to help the infant and ignore the request or stand back and do nothing. Ruth takes action, which leads her into a huge legal mess with a white supremacy family. Now she must trust in her public attorney and her peers to get her through this situation.

You can get the audio version here.

Themes: Racism, Love, Family, Legal

 

 

Murder on the Orient Express – Agatha Christie

Agatha Christie

I recently discovered that there are two movie adaptations for this book, the most recent one starring Johnny Depp, Daisy Ridley, Michelle Pfieffer, Josh Gad, Judy Dench and Penelope Cruz.

A murder takes place on a train departing from Instanbul to Paris. The train is only on the second day when the train is stopped in a snow drift. Hercule Poirot is recruited by the owner of the express to solve the case.

I read this in a little under a week I think! It was wonderfully done and if you read the audio, the narrator talks in different accents and it’s fabulous. There’s also a Hercules Poirot series, which I will be looking into.

 

Themes: Murder Mystery, Family, 1930s, Suspense

 

 

Add me on Goodreads so we can talk books 🙂

 

 

 

 

March 1, 2018
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6 Reasons Why Being Single is the Worst

Posted in Lifestyle, Relationships by

My love life is a mess. I was what people call “a prude” throughout (most) of high school. When I got to college I was still “prudish”, but open to trying new things. I didn’t go crazy, but I did figure out what it was like to kiss someone who didn’t try to suck my face off. I learned the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, big and small… One of the most important things that I’ve learned is that being single when you’re 25 sucks. Since we already have a post saying how being single is okay, I’ve decided to make one saying why being single is the worst.

Related Reading: 3 Reasons to Love Being Single

In the beginning…

I want to start by giving you a little history on my love life. I’ve had two serious relationships. One was my freshman year of college and we dated for about a year, long distance. Then I went four years just dating (a.k.a Tinder, Plenty of Fish, random guys at parties) where nothing really interesting happened; well except for that one guy. The guy who was sleeping with me, while patching things up with his ex (which I didn’t know) and gave me an STD. I stalked his ex and told her to get tested and he got mad and called me a bitch and yada yada it was all my fault even though it was all his and he was being a big baby who didn’t get his way, whatever.

After that, I got with some guy who was mutual friends with my friend. We messed around and had fun, but he was (and still is) too immature, so we stopped after about a month.

When I was 24, I started a new job where I worked closely with one other girl in sales. We became close friends and she invited me to her wedding. This is where I met the guy I would be in my second longest relationship with. He was a year younger than me and he treated me like a princess, up until he became paranoid that I was cheating on him and then he cheated on me… I still don’t understand how that makes sense AT ALL.

Related Reading: The Things He Said, My Toxic Relationship

Now

So I’ve been single for about a year now, talking with guys off of various dating sites (Bumble being in the hot seat right now) and mistakenly sleeping with the guy I had messed around with after college again (don’t act like you’ve never gone back to an ex). The thing about becoming single after a serious relationship is that I’m reminded how good it is to be in a relationship. And then, it’s over and I’m back to square one.

kaboompics_Blonde woman having a healthy snack at the wooden pier

Here are the worst things about being single:

  1. Starting over

    Dating is awkward because I have to learn people all over again. Especially online dating, because I can’t get a genuine feeling about someone until we’re face to face. So sometimes it feels like I’m wasting all that time messaging someone I just don’t feel a connection with when we finally do meet. That sucks.

  2. No excuse

    When I go out with girlfriends to the bar, I can’t say that I have a boyfriend at home. Which, granted this can (does) work in my favor sometimes. I have such a heavy guilty conscience that I can’t lie well. So now I have to say I’m not interested and gamble him following me around the whole night or leaving it at that.

  3. Dry Spell

    You know exactly what that means. Toys are great, hook-ups are risky and repeats are frowned upon. There’s just no winning with this one. It’s just not the same.

  4. I have to buy things myself

    Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it’s the truth. Everyone likes getting spoiled by someone else. Personally, I enjoy being treated to dinner and a movie. I especially like getting flowers randomly. Sure, friends and family can do this, but it’s a different feeling when it’s from your boyfriend/girlfriend.

  5. It’s lonely

    I’m used to texting someone constantly throughout the day, and now that’s gone. No one to tell me they can’t wait to see me or tell me how beautiful they think I am. Not just that, but my boyfriend was my best friend; the one I could talk to about anything and not worry about being judged. I could be goofy, and he would never call me anything that would make me feel stupid or ugly. I always felt wanted.

  6. There’s a lot of free time

 It is a strange thing to complain about, but I like being busy. When I’m by myself, I think too much; I want to constantly be working to distract myself from how sucky life is (the 9-5 job, trying to plan days out with friends with a $5 budget, being a 5th wheel etc.). When I feel really down I think about all the things that I can do to change myself: being more patient, less pushy, less critical, put in more effort (tangent: I once had a boyfriend that asked me why I wasn’t wearing make up on a Sunday, saying he was always trying to look good for me, so why wouldn’t I reciprocate…). There’s a lot of dark thoughts I started to think about myself and my worth when the person I thought could be my forever bangs someone else.

Related Reading: How to Handle Getting Hit on at a Bar11 Messages You’ll Get on Plenty of Fish

This isn’t to say that there aren’t any good things about being single, there are. But let us not dwell on all the good things like actually having time for your friends, hogging the whole bed and farting without embarrassment in the comfort of your own home. It’s okay to say how much things suck sometimes.

 

What are your thoughts on being single?

 

February 21, 2018
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11 Messages You’ll Get on Plenty of Fish

Posted in Lifestyle, Relationships by

Yes, it’s that time again, where I’ve reactivated or downloaded a new dating app. I read an article about online dating saying that you’re doing it wrong unless you’re on multiple sites. Therefore, I’ve upped my game by downloading two more apps on my phone. Call me crazy for trusting some random person’s advice on the internet, but hey, I have dating apps, you should already know I’m (partially) desperate.

I’ve tried online dating in the past, my first actually being Tinder when I was in college. Since then, I’ve used Plenty of Fish, as well as tried Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble. I tried using a few others, but I’m too cheap to pay a monthly fee.

For your amusement, or perhaps caution, here are the 11 types of conversations I’ve had through my go-to dating app, Plenty of Fish:

 

Horses

Wow, that’s it? Not even going to ask how my day is or tell me you think I’m a person you’d like to get to know? There is literally nothing in this statement that tells me anything about you. What it does tell me is: “I’m too lazy to think of anything else to say”, “I’ve already put in the effort into another conversation”, “I’m boring as hell”. I hardly ever respond to these unless the guy is extremely attractive (yeah sounds snobby, but it’s online dating, you have the freedom to pick and choose what you want).

 

A Loss for Words

I can’t tell you how many messages I’ve gotten where it’s gone something like, “I don’t know what to say, but I think you’re cute and would you like to talk”. Clearly you know what to say, just take out that first part! I’ve had my moments where I’ve had the same intro “hey, I don’t know what the f*** I’m supposed to say, but here’s a dad joke, I hope you laugh. P.S. I like your dog, what type is it?” The difference with mine is that I’m actually leading into conversation. I get how awkward it is to start a conversation, but it’s also a big piece of how I judge the kind of person you are. Like how do I even reply to this? “Thanks” (??) and then what?…

Related Reading: How to Handle Getting Hit on at a Bar

A Beggar

It’s admirable for those who actually want to know about me, but I cannot tell you how many terrible conversation starters I have created. “Yeah I hate one night stands too”, “I want the same things you do”, “I’m a genuine person giving this a genuine go”.  At the same time, it just sounds like he is more desperate than me. Don’t tell me what you are, just be it! One time, I set my bio to “I’m impressed you read this far down” and I swear the messages came in like fleas: “Are you impressed?”, “Hey I can read”, “Give me a gold star for reading your profile”…. I have no one to blame but myself.

 

The Persistent 

Sometimes I wish there were “read receipts” on these messages. I felt bad for not responding, and not to sound conceited in any way, but I get a lot of messages! I’ll respond to the ones I’m interested in, which means the ones I don’t respond to result in either this, or having a guy throw a fit. I know it kinda makes me look like a brat, but it’s online dating. We’re both already judging each other by looks first, sorry if I don’t like yours.

 

A True Gentleman

Clearly I dodged a bullet by not responding…. I understand why he was upset, but that’s not fair for him to judge me solely off of that. If he had responded with “hey I’d really like the chance to get to know you, please give me a chance to get to know you” maybe things could’ve been different. But don’t accuse me of not being interested in a “true gentleman” who “respects” me. Sorry, but calling me conceited or mocking me doesn’t exactly make me feel respected… And yes, I do know I spelled “conceited” wrong, I was too fired up to care. This is exactly why this site is called Plenty of Fish…. *flush* moving on.

Related Reading: Dating 101: 7 Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

 The Defeated

Yeah, I realized I used the same message (which resulted in same spelling for “conceited”), but it was the nicest way I could say I wasn’t interested, but thanks anyway. This guy just wanted a response, although  his frustration is clear to me (I’ve had my fair share of no replies, too). I actually received the message above and the one before that (the butt-hurt) in the same DAY. What are the odds of two guys asking why I won’t give this (a.k.a them) an actual chance in the same day? Greater than someone actually asking me out to dinner, sadly.

 

A Sugar Daddy

Uhhhhhh, yeah you tell me how you would’ve responded to that. Either this guy was making a hilarious joke or a American Psycho offer… I’m okay with never knowing which.

 

The Grey Zone

You know they make sites for people like you right? Yeah I watch 50 Shades of Grey, doesn’t mean I want to live it! Next!

 

Just WTF

Spoke too soon… Really?! First I get a Dom request now a Submissive? I’m out.

 

Prince Charming

This is the best part about this site. The odds are pretty decent for meeting someone I may be interested in! These guys are the ones I want to plan something with and that I give my number to. I only do this if I can see myself going out on a date with them in the first place. Like having things to talk about, clicking. There may be a lot of interesting guys on dating sites, but there will always be good guys that make me remember why I have it in the first place.

Related Reading: The Things He Said

Plenty of Fish: worth your time?

I’ll say this for any sort of online dating: it’s worth it to try. There are so many people out there and if you’re like me, you don’t meet new people everyday. Online dating is something that can help you do just that. And hey, at the very least, you’ll have some interesting stories to tell your girlfriends later!

January 25, 2018
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7 Ways to Enjoy a Night Home Alone

Posted in Lifestyle by

home alone to do

I live with my sister, her boyfriend, a cat, and a dog. Usually we are all home or have friends over on the weekends to play games. Last weekend I found myself in a peculiar place: I was home alone. With just the cat and dog to judge me, I decided to take advantage of this time to do things I wanted to do in solitude.

Here are just a few of the opportunities that crossed my mind:

 

Pamper

My sister and her boyfriend always get me Lush products for gifts, which I love! Having a night to myself meant that I could use that bath bomb under my sink with a face mask on without anyone complaining how I used all the hot water. Then, when I finished with my bath, I could trim my nails and pick out some nail polish for my fingers and toes. My face would feel fresh, I would be relaxed and my nails would be beautiful!

 

Read 

Photo by Jacalyn Beales on Unsplash

I’m a bookworm, but I usually only find time to read before I go to sleep. Being home by 5:00 p.m. made it so I could easily dedicate some time to my book without interruption (minus the cat throwing up a hair ball). This was a good way for me to catch up on some reading for book club as well as to my own personal list (currently reading the second Harry Potter book).

Related Reading: What Should I Read Next?, We Started A Book Club!

 

Write

I love to journal, but I’ve been pretty bad about it recently. However, I do have this and having a night to myself could really benefit me by having more time to write content for posts! This would be an opportune time for me to think of new post ideas, too. Or think of that next big seller that will be on the shelves in Barnes and Nobles… you never know! Sometimes it feels good just to empty your mind on paper, regardless of if there’s a point to it or not.

 

Television

I could watch a chick flick while eating my take-out with a bottle of wine of my choice without any guilt or worry about what others would think! I could enjoy my movie without disruption or comments in peace while I cried during a part that’s probably not even sad… or I could binge watch that new show on Netflix that everyone is raving about, or catch up on a show I haven’t watched in a while (Outlander).

 

Craft

I have a couple of projects I’m slowly working on/haven’t even started yet. Having all this time gave me the time to start that travel map collage, paint the rest of my paint by numbers or color in an adult coloring book. This way I could play music or watch something in the background while I busy my mind in a productive way.

Related Reading: Creating a Bullet Journal

 

Meditate

Photo by Lena Bell on Unsplash

I received a yoga kit as a company gift this Christmas. It came with a mat, a strap, a block and a DVD to follow. I could move furniture, plug the DVD into the TV downstairs and stretch out my muscles. At the very least, I could sit in complete silence if I really wanted to!

 

Cook

I preach about meal prepping all the time, but it was a Friday, which isn’t the best day to start that. Also, I had worked a full week; I didn’t want to have to think about next week yet! I could take this time to cook a decent meal, or at least preheat the oven for some hot, gooey cookies for dessert!

 

These are just a few of the possibilities that crossed my mind when I was home alone. Naturally I opted for take out, wine, and a chick flick (which I didn’t cry to!) on my couch with animals sleeping on me. Some other things to consider doing if you’re home alone would be to knit, play an instrument, do a puzzle, play video games, or complete a Sudoku. What do you do with your nights at home alone?

January 16, 2018
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The Things He Said

Posted in Lifestyle, Relationships by

what he said

 

I’ve been in the dating game for far too long. So far, I’ve had two “real” relationships that went beyond the dating realms: commitment, ‘I love you’s, meeting the family etc. That’s not to say my dating life has been complete failure; I was close to that relationship status with a couple of guys. But there was always something that wasn’t right, something off that my gut knew better than my head. Looking back, it seems clear why those relationships never turned into ‘my forever’. The way he would respond to what I said or wanted was degrading and would make me feel stupid at times. I decided to write a post about a couple guys I’ve dated recently and what they said in different scenarios.

Here’s a list of all the things he’s said to me while we were dating:

 

The Bad

When he wouldn’t commit to spending time with me and my friends and I ignored his call:

“You are a child”

When I invited him to my birthday party two weeks in advance and he said he would come, then backed out the night of:

“You all pissy now”

When I told him I was over it (the first time)

“I know I f***** up.

But I’m ready to grow the f*** up and stop being that person to you.
I really am going to try and not being that total f*** up..”

When I said I didn’t see this working out:

“Trust me, I know this won’t really work. And I know 100% cause I feel like I don’t care.”

When I started not to care and had little effort:

“I hope you grow up”

When I stopped responding:

“I’ll f*** someone else

When I told him to stop sending me stupid, pointless snapchats:

“Someone’s pissy. Have fun doing nothing at work” 

When he accused me of cheating on him:

“I was blackout drunk

You never let me know that I made you happy. You never let me know you.”

 

Related Reading: Dating 101: 7 Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

 

kaboompics

The Good

When I was gone on vacation for 5 days:

“I MISS YOU”

When he realized I was serious when I said I was done:

“I f***ed up

I’m ready to grow the f*** up

I just want to hold your hand.”

When I remembered his birthday and got him something:

“You are too nice to me”

After we met for the first time and he found me on Facebook:

“I thought you were really cute last night and had to remember to somehow get a hold of you”

When we were both home alone:

“Stay with me”

When we had “pillow talk”

“You’re so beautiful”

When we were driving to dinner

“How did I get so lucky”

 

 

After I Broke Up With Him:

 

kaboompics

 

“I will only love you

You are what matters to me

I will do anything for you

You are the one I’m supposed to be with. 

I’m losing everything that matters to me.

You are my forever.”

 

Weeks after I broke up with him:

“I hope you know I care about you a lot

I will always love you

I’m sorry”

 

Those things made me feel good for a time, and like the good could outweigh the bad. Ultimately, I knew things wouldn’t be the same, and I was tired of being called crazy or a b****. So I made the decision to walk away. Turns out it was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but it was the right thing to do.

 

Related Reading: 3 Reasons to Love Being Single

 

January 11, 2018
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Carpe Diem and Other Ambitions for 2018

Posted in Lifestyle by

Carpe Diem ambitions for 2018

Every New Year’s Eve, I get excited about the new year coming. Anything seems possible, so I make a mental list of all the things I want to do. In reality, I usually only do a couple of those things. I’ve never actually finished a checklist, even if it’s just what I need to grab at the grocery store. But I always make a list so I can go back and remember “oh yeah, those are all the things that would make me happy”. I know we’ve already mentioned some mantras for 2018, but here are some of my personal aspirations for this year.

 

Budget successfully

Since I started bullet journaling, I see how much money I spend and on what each month. This has helped me realize that I spend way too much on material things, things that I’ll probably get rid of in a couple months anyway. My goal is to pay off as much as I can on my credit cards and loans. Last fall, I switched my car insurance, which has saved me about $50 a month. I also transferred my credit card to an outside bank with 0% APR for 21 months so I can catch up on payments without the interest. I’m looking at ideas by The Penny Hoarder and seeing which work best for me.

 

“Me” time

Photo by Anna Demianenko on Unsplash

I’m surrounded by people nearly everyday. I work on a team, I have roommates, I hang out with friends, I talk to the cashier at the grocery store. It’s good to have that interaction with people, but sometimes I need to step back and have time to myself. I find peace when I’m doing puzzles, writing, reading, exercise or watch T.V. by myself. It’s a place where I can zone out and purely focus on what I’m doing without interruption, like a meditation of sorts. I want to take an hour a day once a week at LEAST to dedicate to myself.

 

Related Reading: 6 Mantras to Live By in 2018

 

No complaints

I know I’ve already mentioned this in our other post, but I’m really serious about it. Too often I hear myself coming up with excuses of why I can’t do something. Granted, money is usually a factor, but I need to think of other alternatives. I don’t want to make people feel incompetent or left out on my account either. So instead of insulting or saying something negative, I’m going to work on constructive criticism, controlling frustration and letting others speak before I do.

 

Good vibes only

Carpe Diem and Other Ambitions for 2018

I have a lot of friends, but I also have had a lot of people who have hurt and dismissed my understanding and friendship. So as a favor to myself, I’m cutting out those people, and focusing my energy on myself, putting in the effort where it counts. I don’t want to look back and see how much effort I put into something and never realized until all that time was past. I want to take initiative, be forward, push for what I want, what makes me happy and involve those who want to be included.

 

Related Reading: Our Bucket List for 2018

 

Carpe Diem

I want to be able to end my day with a sense of accomplishment. I have a journal where I can write one line of whatever I want everyday for the next five years. That page should be something that I am proud of, or an influence someone had on me that day. I want it to be for what I’m grateful for and things that make me happy. I don’t want to take it one day at a time, I want to make it into an event.

January 2, 2018
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Adams Mystery Playhouse: Holidays R Murder

Posted in Lifestyle by

mystery play

My dad gave me a task a few weeks ago: find something for our whole family to do around Christmas. In the midst of my searching for “fun things to do in Denver” on Google, I stumbled across the Adam’s Mystery Playhouse. I clicked on some links, and read about this place. It’s an interactive, dinner/lunch show where the audience solves the mystery that takes place. They feed you, perform, include you AND there was a bar. It’s December already, every big thing that could be fun will not have enough room for eight people. BUT, they will have room for three…I texted Belle and Mitch and bought 3 tickets for us to go to one of the only available dates left on a Sunday afternoon.

The Playhouse

I had never head of this place until this moment, and I told Belle and Mitch that, just in case it was a waste of $48. It turned out to be one of the best investments we’ve made! Show time was at 2:00, so we showed up about thirty minutes early for cocktails. The playhouse is literally in an old house in Denver. There are two large dining rooms (one upstairs, one in the basement) where the plays are performed. There were two shows going on that day: “Holidays R Murder” and “A Dickens of a Murder”. We weren’t allowed into the playrooms until closer to the starting time. While we waiting, we grabbed a drink (spiked eggnog for the win!), did a scavenger hunt, and noticed people in costumes among the guests. The actors were already into character, speaking to the guests about the other characters and what they had been up to lately. Shortly after our interactions, we were ushered downstairs to take our seats.

The Play

Since we were the first three down there, we made sure to choose the seats facing the small stage at the front for the best view. It was all decorated for Christmas, with red lights over head and big presents hung up by the stage. We were ushered by table to grab our lunch. Since ours was the last to fill up, we were last. However, that meant having time for one of the cast members to ask if “one of us lovely ladies would mind volunteering to be a character”. Which of course, turned out to be me, at Belle’s generous insistence.

So I became Billy Joe, twin sister to Bobby Joe and one part of the fantastic singing group The Silver Bells. Fortunately I didn’t have to sing. But more about my role later.

The story was that we were at the Cringle Cookie Factory Christmas Party, where one of the main party guests, George Bailey, was murdered. We had the chance to get up and look at clues on each of the tables, like a life insurance policy and some saucy emails. An inspector arrived and led the audience through those and some new clues, usually asking for an audience member to read a clue aloud. And if someone read it wrong, a joke was usually made at that person’s expense (but all in good fun!). There was also a Christmas congo line, a rendition of “Santa Baby”, and a little dance show from Tinsel and Balls featuring one actor and two audience members.

My little role as Billy Joe was as a love interest of George Bailey. Except he was two-timing me with my very own sister, Bobby Joe! I messed up my line a little bit because I was so in character (cue merciless joke from the cast), but it was fun to be a part of the show. Belle and Mitch also stood up to read some clues in their “best dramatics”.

Mitch and Elena attentively watch the Holidays R Murder at the Adam's Mystery Playhouse

Related Reading: A Night At the Theater: Macbeth

Go go go!

If you’re ever in Denver, go to the Adam’s Mystery Playhouse! We had so much fun and have already agreed to go to every show they do next year (not kidding). Not only is it great to support the small arts and actors, but being a part of the show makes everything better. Not to mention, every show is different than the last because the jokes and the lines are adapted to each individual audience.

Seriously, check it out.

And if you’re not in Denver, you should seek out the small theaters around you and see what shows they have!

December 21, 2017
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